did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
