Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
