That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
