i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
