Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
