evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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