You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
