Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
