I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
