eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
