im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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