wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
