I feel like abortions should bother me more
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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