He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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