threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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