I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
