Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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