What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
