i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
