Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
