For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
