He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
we should paint friendship bongs
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