you turned your livingroom into a bong?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
