Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize