I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
