Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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