I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
