Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
