its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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