My liver just broke up with me...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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