glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
