It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
