1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
