Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize