it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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