the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
