You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
