everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
