She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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