Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
