I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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