We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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