someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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