yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
