You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
