Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
