Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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