after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
