does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
