girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
