And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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