I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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