I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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