Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want nice things and good sex
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
