Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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