dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm having to shit out rocks
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
