I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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