ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
