The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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