so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
