Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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