I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
