she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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