At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
