I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
