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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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