dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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